I swallow a couple of times, forcemy voice up behind my eyes and answer the phone."Hi there," I say in Ellen's voice, moving around the corner to a quietspot. "You caught me in the middle of something." Hi," he replies. "Anything fun?" Just getting coffee with an old flame," I reply, twirling my hair inmy mind. "What can I do for you?" I'm just glad you picked up the phone. Should I be jealous?" Why wouldn't I pick up?" I ask."I want to see you. Tonight." Tomorrow," I counter. I don't want to see him so soon. "Lunch?" Tonight. And I'll throw in breakfast."I laugh lightly, forgetting my body in a moment and holding my hand upto my face with mannered elegance. I look around, but either everyoneis ignoring me, or no one heard. Ellen's body is just so much moreinteresting than mine: every curve is a gesture, every elegant line isa statement. Her physicality demands performance. Kevin is a line,where she is a figure."Tomorrow," I repeat. "I can't tonight." Okay, tomorrow. I'll pick you up. "His shoulders slumped as we left the house, I felt so exposed as we walked the few feet to the car, I'd thought of wearing a coat until we got to the sports club, but felt it would be a pointless gesture. The trip to the club was made in silence, I could sense my son watching me and on the occasions when I glanced his way I felt my heart aching at the sight of the despair written in his eyes. His despair mirrored what I felt inside. All too soon we had arrived at our destination, I parked the car behind the clubhouse then sat staring at the lights gleaming from the grimy windows of the gym. For a moment I couldn't move, beside me my son made a last ditch effort to beg me to drive away, but I knew it was too late for that. Giving him a smile of assurance that I did not feel I got out of the car, locked it and gave him the keys, on trembling legs I walked towards the entrance with my son a step behind me."I was wondering if you would come," Don laughed as we walked across the gym.
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